Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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