All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
Randomize