guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
Randomize
