the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
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