yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
Randomize
