her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
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