i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
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