I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
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