I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
Randomize
