I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
Randomize
