Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
Randomize
