just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
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Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
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