His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
I could make wine with my vomit
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
Randomize
