Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
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