hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
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that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
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woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
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