dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
It usually only happens when Im really excited. Normally not that fast. You still enjoy it?
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
Randomize
