Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
Randomize
