is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
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