I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
Randomize
