people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
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