So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
Randomize
