Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
Eating in charleston sc at a seafood place called "hymans". Like normal I had no problem finding it.
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
that may or may not have been my penis.
Randomize
