My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
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