I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
Randomize
