I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
Randomize
