I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
This baby is an asshole
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
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