I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
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