you turned your livingroom into a bong?
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
organizing the empties. That sober.
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
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