I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
Randomize