were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
i blew a .213 what kind of thug blows the compton area code exactly? this guy
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
Randomize
