Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Randomize
