I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
Randomize
