Is there a tactful way for me to ask a girl to let me know when she gets her period?
Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
Randomize
