just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
Randomize
