Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
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