so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
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