I only kidnapped one of them. chill
WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
Randomize
