Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
Randomize