just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
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