I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
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