Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
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