Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
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