dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
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