You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
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Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
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