So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
Randomize
