I can feel you judging me through the phone.
My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
Randomize
