You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
I thought you said his peep was too small
it is but i have no money and nothing is on tv until 7 when americas next top model comes on.
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
Randomize
