so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
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