I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
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