He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
Randomize
