he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
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