Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
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