No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
Randomize
