I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
Randomize