its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
Randomize
