i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
Randomize
