You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
sick fucks of a feather flock together
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
Randomize
