It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?