This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
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