Look at my ENTIRE past
Highly public sexual behavior gross mismanagement of funds socially unaccpetable and radical speech and thought
Might as well have a blog about it at this point
why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
Randomize
