So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
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